[This was orignally written for my newsletter list but after many request from friends and family to make it available for others to read, I decided to post this as a blog so it can be found on my website.]
There are many words that begin with the letter “C” that I like — church, creativity, chocolate, cherish, and Clemson. But then there are some words I don’t like — conflict, change, cancel, costly, and especially cancer.
– I lost my dad to lung cancer in April 1999 in 11 months. He was only 64 years of age.
– I was diagnosed with melanoma in 2007. I had surgery but no treatment was needed, thanks be to God!
– My mom was diagnosed with breast cancer a few years later. She had surgery but no treatment was needed, thanks be to God again!
The “C” Word
Now the word I don’t like has stepped upon the porch of my life and is knocking again. Cancer.
Leukemia—Chronic Lymphocytic Leukemia (CLL).
I hadn’t been feeling well for months and felt like it was stress catching up with me from the 16 months (and counting) of on going care-giving of my father-in-law in our home. After visiting my primary doctor earlier this year with an infection, she did some blood work and after seeing the results sent me to a Hematologist/Oncologist.
I’ve been going through a variety of test, waiting, more tests, and more waiting until finally on August 17th I got my diagnosis. It was definitely Leukemia—Chronic Lymphocytic Leukemia (CLL).
Bad news—There is no cure. It will never go away.
Good news—It is manageable. I may never have to have any treatments. I’m at 0 level of 0-4, so it looks like we caught it early and that’s more good news.
What did I do during my waiting and am continuing to do after receiving this news?
Trusting God. While praying the night before my first ultra sound on my lymph nodes I never felt a sense of peace come over me but, I did hear God speak to my spirit. What I heard was Him saying, “Trust Me.” And I did.
Was it easy?
No.
Did I have my moments when I was concerned
(ok, I’ll say it “worried and fearful”)?
Yes.
Trusting and Abiding
In my journal I wrote these words in the waiting.
I hear the possibility of cancer . . .
God hears opportunity.
I want to scream with fear . . .
God whispers, “Trust Me.”
Doctor says wait . . .
God says “Abide.”
That’s what I tried to do—abide in Christ. I searched scripture and claimed the promises I found. In the book of Daniel I read and had the same feelings the three Hebrew men had when they were threaten with being thrown into the fire for not bowing down and worshiping the king. They replied, “ . . . we have no need to answer you in this matter. If that is the case, our God whom we serve is able to deliver us from the burning fiery furnace, and He will deliver us from your hand, O king. BUT IF NOT, let it be known to you, O king, that we do not serve your gods . . .” (Daniel 3:16-18).
I prayed for God to deliver me from yet another diagnosis of cancer. I knew He was able but like the three Hebrew men I purposed in my heart “BUT IF NOT,” I would serve Him, praise Him, and worship Him anyway! And I am doing just that!
Are you waiting on God to move in your life, answer a question, deal with a situation, bring you a job, or heal you or someone you love? What if He doesn’t come through the way you want Him to come through for you? BUT IF NOT, will you still serve Him, praise Him, and worship Him?
Watching and Waiting
Now I will live in what they call “Watch and Wait.” Waiting for more blood work, watching to see if my counts change, watching to see if I begin to show more symptoms, waiting to see if the cancer will become aggressive. Waiting and watching to see if I will one day need treatments.
What will I do in the “Watch and Wait?” Trust God, abide in Him, and get back to life; taking care of my family, going to work each day, working in my yard, and being more consistent with writing my blogs (the book of Jeremiah still has so much to say to us!).
My Prayer
My prayer is that my testimony of trusting God in my circumstances will encourage you in what you may be facing. I have to admit that it’s a daily effort for me because weariness and stress make room for fear and doubt. But I do my best to press onward in faith. We need to remember that our Heavenly Father loves us and is with us and our situations at all times. Jesus said, “I will never leave nor forsake you,” (Heb. 13:5). He doesn’t and He won’t.
Of all the “C” words I know and have experienced, the one I hold on to with great faith is Christ, Jesus Christ. He is my anchor no matter what storms come my way . . . even cancer.
Until later . . .
Blessings,
Beth
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Scripture from NKJV
So true. Those who choose to worship first will continue to do that no matter what happens. May God continue to bless you with good numbers and the peace only He can provide. Amen
Thanks Sandra. Your prayers are appreciated as well as your friendship 🙂
Beth
Praying for you.
Thank you sweet Margaret!
Beth
I always love your posts Beth. I met you a few years ago at a writers conference in North Carolina and enjoyed talking with you at dinner and breKfast. Prayers for you. My husband was diagnosed with CLL stage 4. After 6 months of chemo he was in remission. That was 5 years ago. Because there is no cure , you think about it when he is tired, loses weight or doesnt feel well. Trusting God is what we do. Whether he stays in remission or it comes back. Thank you for sharing. God bless you.
Yes, I remember you and your husband! I had no idea he had CLL. Yes, I know I too will be watching and waiting and wondering if any fatigue or more weight-loss means things are changing. But I too will be trusting God all the way. Praying for him, and you! So glad to hear from you. Keep in touch 🙂
Beth
I would like to receive your blogs and newsletters. I am praying for you.
Thanks for the prayers Susan. I will contact you about signing up for my newsletter and blogs. Blessings on you!!!!
Beth
I can’t believe I’m just seeing and hearing this. Oh, sis. What a year we’ve had! Please call me as soon as you feel like talking. Until then… I’m praying!
Yes, what a year it has been!!! Thanks for the prayers!!!!
Love ya!
Beth
Beth, please know that we are praying for you! This year has been a little crazy for all of us, but I want you to know that you faith and trust has been a true inspiration to me! I do want to keep up with your blog! I love reading the things you write!
Thanks Robin for the encouraging words and thanks for the prayers. I appreciate it more than you know . . . especailly during this crazy time!!!
Our thoughts and prayers are with y’all 🙏🙏🙏. Such a beautiful writing. It had me in tears. You are so right. God has our back always. Sometimes it’s hard not to hold tight to the situation. I try to repeat to myself, “Let go and let God”. Thanks for sharing and May God’s peace be with you!!!
Love,
Brew and Libby
Thank you for the encouraging words and for the thoughts and prayers. Think of you both often and your family. Love and miss you both.
Beth
Praying for you. Praying for God to cover you with His peace and comfort.
Thank you Melissa. I appreciate your prayers 🙂
Lifting you up in prayers.
You’ve been on many battlefields. You know when to stand up and fight with the weapons of scripture. We’ve talked about the times when we become so weary that we know when to take cover in a trench with the shield of faith covering us. It is undercover that our prayers are power-packed arsenals that blow out the flaming arrows of the evil one.
May your faith continue to keep you strong as the Lord shows you His favor in keeping the number at zero through your wisdom and obedience in following physical and spiritual guidelines.
Know that with the joint prayers of family and friends, you will continue to be a shining light beaming with the love of Jesus.
You are shining on even in these dark days. Much love.
Well Carolyn, we sure have talked about crawling into the trenches and putting our shield over us to protect us . . . especially when we need to rest in the middle of our battles. I still need to write about this some day 🙂
Thank you for always being there for me… and for the prayers. I too pray my number stays at the pretty round 0!!!!!
Love you!
Beth
I had no idea you were going through this and all in the middle of this crazy pandemic! Goodness Beth, it’s been way too long! Love you sister and now that I know, I can pray with you!
Yes, this is a crazy time for anything!!!! Thanks for the prayers and the friendship. Miss you!
Beth